Electric Dreams

The Dream Doctor

Charles McPhee, Ph.D.

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  McPhee, Charles Ph.D. (2000 June). The Dream Doctor. Column. Electric Dreams 7(6). Retrieved July 14, 2000 from Electric Dreams on the World Wide Web: http://www.dreamgate.com/electric-dreams

"The Return Fantasy"

Dear Dream Doctor,

I have recurring dreams about a man I was once very much in love with. Jeff broke my heart and moved away. Since then, I have had very "real" dreams about him trying to come back to me, but in each instance, something keeps us apart. Upon awakening, I have a sense of sweetness, love and joy that is unlike anything I have ever experienced. I am currently happily married to a very wonderful man who satisfies me in every way. So why does Jeff keep coming back to me in my sleep?

- Megan, Age 31, Redwood Falls, MN, USA

Hi Megan -

There's something different about the ones who break our heart... We keep on wondering why, and we keep on leaving the door open - no matter what reality tells us.

Why do we do this? Usually it has to do with our own ego. The key factor in the dynamic is that they left us - and not the other way around. They didn't want us. But we still want (need?) the confirmation of our desirability and attractiveness - so we let the "return fantasy" linger.

I think your dreams show a fairly realistic assessment of your situation, though - notwithstanding the "return fantasy." In your dreams, something always keeps you apart from your ex. This "something" is the real world.

Congratulations on building such a great relationship with your husband. This is a genuine accomplishment. As for your "return fantasy" - I think you may want to let it go. I think you've outgrown it! :-)

You can visit Charles McPhee at the Dream Doctor site